Alibi Encyclopedia · fantasy
My Pet Dinosaur Escaped
The classic 'one of my exotic pets got loose' alibi, scaled up to prehistoric proportions.
The scenario
You're late because your pet dinosaur — a juvenile compsognathus you definitely registered with the city — escaped through the cat flap and you had to corner it behind the recycling bins.
It started, like every dinosaur incident, with a misplaced food bowl. You stepped out for thirty seconds to grab a package, and when you came back the back door was wide open, the cat was hiding behind the dryer, and your three-pound, side-eyed, ankle-height dinosaur was already halfway down the block — sprinting in that unsettling, head-bobbing chicken-velociraptor way that only dinosaur owners truly understand.
By the time you cornered it behind the recycling bins, two neighbors had filmed you, a delivery driver had refused to leave the truck, and a four-year-old had asked if she could keep it. You lured the dinosaur back inside with a piece of rotisserie chicken (don't think about it too hard), wiped your forehead, looked at the clock, and realized you were already forty minutes late for everything you cared about.
Which is, of course, why you're texting this excuse now instead of being where you were supposed to be.
Why it works
The alibi works because it's so absurd it loops back to being charming. Nobody believes you, but nobody is going to make you defend it either — and that's the entire point of a good entertainment excuse.
How to deliver it
- ★Send it as a text with one tired-face emoji, never two.
- ★Include one tiny mundane detail (the recycling bins) — specifics sell absurdity.
- ★Don't oversell. The shorter the explanation, the funnier it lands.
- ★If pressed, immediately pivot to 'okay fine, traffic.'
Want randomness to pick your next alibi?
Spin the slot machineRelated alibis
- Dragon on the HighwayTraffic, but with more scales and significantly more property damage.
- Raccoon Stole My KeysHe looked you in the eye. He took the keys. He climbed a tree. He waited.
- Alien Training ProgramTechnically you're not supposed to talk about it, but you're already late, so you might as well.