Alibi Encyclopedia · animal
I Was Chased by a Goose
Anyone who has met a goose in real life knows this excuse is at least 60% plausible.
The scenario
You were taking the shortcut through the park when a Canada goose decided you were a threat to its eternal lineage, and you spent the next eleven minutes running in a humiliating loop around a duck pond.
Geese are the only animal capable of making a grown adult abandon dignity in public. You saw it from a distance — neck low, wings half-up, walking in that bouncing, ready-to-fight rhythm — and you thought, like a fool, that you could just walk past.
You could not just walk past. The goose committed. You committed. A jogger filmed you. A toddler clapped. Your work bag opened and shed a granola bar that the goose viewed as a war trophy. By the time you escaped through a gap in the fence, you had a scuffed shoe, a missing AirPod, and the haunted look of someone who has been spiritually defeated by a bird.
Why it works
This one lands because most adults secretly believe a goose could win. It's relatable, low-stakes, and contains zero verifiable claims. It's the perfect 'I'm late and need three sympathetic laughs' excuse.
How to deliver it
- ★Use it in person — the storytelling sells it.
- ★Mention the AirPod loss. It adds tragic detail.
- ★Do the wing-flap gesture. Always do the gesture.
- ★End on 'I respect that bird now,' for the win.
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