Alibi Encyclopedia · absurd
My Wi-Fi Was Possessed
The router did everything but speak in tongues. Frankly, it might have.
The scenario
Your home internet started behaving in ways your ISP described, on the phone, as 'not technically possible.' You ended up on the floor next to the router with a flashlight.
First the lights all turned amber. Then green. Then a color you didn't know an LED could be. The Wi-Fi name on your phone briefly changed to a single question mark. A device labeled 'UNKNOWN' connected and disconnected three times. You unplugged everything. You plugged everything back in. The router was warm. The router was suspiciously warm.
Forty-five minutes later you had a working connection, a slight burning smell, and a strong sense that you do not, in fact, understand how Wi-Fi works.
Why it works
Tech excuses are evergreen. Adding 'possession' tips it from boring to funny without making it unbelievable.
How to deliver it
- ★Mention 'amber.' It sounds technical.
- ★Reference the burning smell with concern, not alarm.
- ★Bring up the 'UNKNOWN' device. It's narratively perfect.
- ★Promise to switch to a wired connection forever. Don't.
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