Alibi Encyclopedia · absurd
My Coffee Maker Is Haunted
It refused to brew. It blinked the wrong word. You stood in your kitchen and watched it have an opinion.
The scenario
Your coffee maker, which has worked normally for two years, woke up this morning, blinked the word 'NO' in its tiny display, and refused to brew.
You unplugged it. You plugged it back in. You apologized to it. It blinked 'NO' again. You stood there in your pajamas at 6:47 AM and had a long, silent conversation with a small kitchen appliance about respect, gratitude, and what you have done to deserve this.
Eventually it relented and brewed half a cup of something brown and slightly suspicious. You drank it. You're now late, mildly under-caffeinated, and you would like to start a paranormal-investigations podcast.
Why it works
Anyone who has fought with a kitchen appliance at dawn feels this in their bones. It's mundane absurdity, the most relatable kind.
How to deliver it
- ★Describe the appliance with affection. It makes the haunting funnier.
- ★Imitate the 'NO' display. Spell it slowly.
- ★Mention the half cup. Always the half cup.
- ★Threaten to replace it. Then admit you won't.
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